A guy goes to the Local Council to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him, ‘Are you allergic to anything?’
He answers ‘Yes – caffeine’.
‘Have you ever been in the services?’
‘Yes,’ he says. ‘I was in Iraq for two years.’
The interviewer says, ‘That will give you 5 extra points toward employment,’ and then asks, ‘Are you disabled in any way?
The guy says, ‘Yes …a bomb exploded near me and blew my testicles off.’
The interviewer tells the guy, ‘O.K. In that case, I can hire you right now.
Normal hours are from 8 AM to 2 PM.
You can start tomorrow at 10:00 – and plan on starting at 10 AM every day.’
The guy is puzzled and says, ‘If the hours are from 8 AM to 2 PM, why don’t you want me to be here before 10 AM?’ ‘
‘This is a council job,’ the interviewer says. ‘For the first two hours we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls, not really any point in you coming in for that.’
A Nun and a Priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the Third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.
After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed their Situation. After a long period of silence, the Priest spoke. ‘Well,Sister, this looks pretty grim.’
‘I know, Father. In fact, I don’t think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two.’
‘I agree,’ says the Father. ‘Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?’
‘I have never seen a woman’s breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours.’
‘Well, under the circumstances I don’t see that it would do any harm.’
The Nun opened her habit and the Priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.
‘Sister, would you mind if I touched them?’ She consented and he fondled them for several minutes.
‘Father, could I ask something of you?’
‘I have never seen a man’s private parts. Could I see yours?’
‘I suppose that would be OK,’ the Priest replied lifting his robe.
‘Oh Father, may I touch it?’
The priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection.
‘Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can give life.’
‘Is that true Father?’
‘Yes, it is, Sister.’
‘Oh Father, that’s wonderful … Stick it in the camel and let’s get the hell out of here!’