Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two ‘working girls’ and take them to their separate hotel rooms.
The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his friend shouting cries of.. ‘Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE UGH…Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE, UGH!’
This went on all night long.
In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, ‘How did it go?’
The first mutters, ‘It was embarrassing. I couldn’t get an erection.’
The second dwarf shook his head.
”You think that’s embarrassing? I couldn’t even get on the bed!
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters
but always talked about having a son.
They decided to try one last time
for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant
and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery
to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child
he had ever seen.
He told his wife: ‘There’s no way I can
be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
Have you been fooling around behind my back?’
The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
‘Not this time!’
Three male Labrador’s, 1 chocolate, 1 yellow, and 1 black… were sitting in
a waiting room at the vet’s office when they struck up a conversation.
The black Lab turned to the chocolate Lab and said, ‘So why are you here?’
The brown Lab replied, ‘I’m a pisser. I piss on everything….the sofa, the
Curtains, the cat, the kids.
But the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my
The black Lab said, ‘So what is the vet going to do?’
Gonna cut my nuts off,’ came the reply from the chocolate Lab.They reckon
it’ll calm me down.’
The black Lab then turned to the yellow Lab and asked, ‘Why are you here?’
The yellow Lab said, ‘I’m a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers
and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I’m inside, I dig up the
carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in
my owner’s couch.’
So what are they going to do to you?’ the black Lab inquired.
‘Looks like I’m losing my nuts too’. The dejected yellow Lab said.
The yellow Lab then turned to the black Lab and asked, ‘Why are you here?’
‘I’m a humper,’ the black Lab said. ‘I’ll hump anything. I’ll hump the cat,
a pillow, the table, fence posts, whatever. I want to hump everything I see.
‘Yesterday, my owner had just gotten out of the shower, and as she was
bending down to dry her toes, I just couldn’t help myself.
I hopped on her back and started humping away’.
The yellow and chocolate Labs exchanged a sad glance and said,
‘So, you’re loosing your balls too, huh?’
The black Lab said…. ‘Heck No, I’m here to get my nails clipped’.